15 Fun Things to Say to a Liberal During Sex
Yes, it’s sex in the age of Obama. Herewith, pillow talk for the politically minded: some for men, some for women, and gosh darn-it, some for the whole fam damily. Utter at your own risk. And hold on tight.
- Even though we’re completely unqualified and have absolutely no right to do so, let’s play doctor.
- Treat me like the nation’s poor. Say you love me, then fuck me.
- If we don’t find a solution to global warming soon, this is going to turn into one hell of a case of blue balls.
- I feel like I’m in the Oval Office. Your finger is on the button, but you don’t know how to press it.
- Pretend my asshole is an evil, communist dictator and pretend your lips are… well, pretend your lips are Bill Clinton’s lips.
- Some might say I’m sending in thousands of innocent soldiers to die in an arid, disgusting wasteland. I prefer to think of it as an unanticipated troop surge.
- Be my little Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The harder I protest, the harder you hold me down. And slap my ass a lot.
- Even the world’s worst tax-and-spend Democrat would agree that this thing has ballooned out of control. We really need to shave some of this pork.
- I want you to do to me what Obama wants to do to the healthcare system. Put me in handcuffs, surround me with nurses, and see how long I can hold out before spraying bodily fluids all over the goddamn bed.
- The voices from the closet? They’re just here to confirm your support of the public option.
- I’m relieved to see that you’re a backsliding animal rights activist. In that case, observe the following demonstration of the production of foie gras.
- Not only do I have HIV, but according to Reverend Wright, I also created it.
- I think porn stars “have as clear and as sacred a right to their large property as others have to theirs which is smaller”. I don’t know about you, but whenever I need inspiration to talk dirty, my go-to man is always John Adams.
I understand you want the restrictions on executive compensation to have some teeth, but does it have to be literally?
- Can I parrot a bunch of vaguely optimistic, scripted messages about hope and change, and expect you to giddily close the curtain behind you and pull my lever? Yes, I can.