Since voting this year can’t possibly be fun, here are a few things that might be.

1. Hum the Jeopardy theme, then announce: “What is the half-black socialist from Chicago?”
2. Ask a poll worker to remind you who the New York Times endorsed.
3. Crazy-glue the levers.
4. Have a fictitious phone call with the person who won your vote on eBay. Remind them that you’ll keep your promise to videotape yourself voting for whomever they choose, naked.
5. Wait in the booth until someone enters to see if you’re dead. Take their picture and post a blog story about invasion of privacy and election rigging.
6. Write in “the old guy and the chick”. Follow up and make sure your vote is counted.
7. Tell a poll worker that you made a mistake and voted for the wrong person.
8. Call someone into the booth for help and ask how you can vote for Bush. When they explain to you that Bush isn’t running again, tell them you’re referring to the proposition to legalize prostitution. (Use of the term “Prop 69″ is optional.)
9. Write in “I plan to assassinate the winner of this election.” See if the FBI can find you. If they do, tell them they passed the test.
10. Tell a poll worker that you have crippling arthritis and ask them to type in your write-in candidate for you. Vote for “None of these motherfucking cunts.” While you’re at it, see if they can fit in, “And, oh yeah, the moron I got to type this in is a real prick.”
11. Tell a poll worker that, for some reason, the voting system allowed you to vote more than once. Ask if that’s supposed to happen.
12. Write in “Barack McCain”.