The new Texas Instruments SmartCalc™ calculator comes preprogrammed to get answers wrong – in your favor – without a single, extra button press.

Much like a word processor’s spell-checker, the SmartCalc’s super modern AutoTilt™ mechanism identifies the type of calculation you’re trying to make, and automatically adds to or deducts from it based on the result that’s most beneficial to you.

Expense reports are a snap with SmartCalc™.

Just begin by adding up a series of meal, taxi, or other receipts. SmartCalc™ automatically boosts the result by a seemingly random percentage! Behind the scenes, SmartCalc™ uses a proprietary algorithm designed to pay off the maximum amount of undetected – and nearly undetectable – cold, hard cash directly into your pocket. Now you can sit in the comfort of your office, safely under the radar of unwelcome “whistle blowers” in your company’s accounting department, and wait happily to collect that SmartCalculated™ reimbursement check.

The T.I. SmartCalc™ looks and feels just like a real, old-fashioned calculator, so your calculated miscalculations will appear completely legitimate.

If you should be accused of willful maladjustment of calculation, be sure to utilize SmartCalc’s sophisticated ExplainIt!™ feature. ExplainIt! provides just the right sarcastic – but subtly informative – remark, to misdirect your accuser while simultaneously subconsciously implanting a mathematically-sound lead within his or her mind.

For instance, let’s say you’ve harnessed the next-century power of SmartCalc™ to falsify an Internet sales curve over a period of 18 months. SmartCalc might suggest: “Hey, what do you think I am, a Bayesian statistics expert?”

Obviously, one’s Bayesian statistics expertise would rarely, if ever, be questioned during such an internal inquisition. But the hint would be just enough to set off a mischievous chain reaction in any math junkie’s mind. Eventually, your accuser will identify the real pattern of inappropriately rounded monthly sales figures and correctly attribute it to an old bivariate time-series trick. Again and again, your assumed incapacity for complex thinking will work in your favor. You’ll be off the hook in no time!

SmartCalc™ also comes with the manual FudgeFactor™ button (pictured above), cleverly designed as one of those buttons no one knows anything about, for urgent situations when you just have to fudge data.

If you’re ever in a pinch to perform unusual calculations that require immediate error, just press FudgeFactor™, then the plus or minus button, and a calculation for something like “She deserves a tip, but I felt teeth” becomes a breeze.

The T.I. SmartCalc™ calculator is every business executive’s best friend. It’s also the perfect gift for Microsoft Excel™ users not yet adept enough to build formulas resulting in errors that appear innocent. So, pick one up today, and Start SmartCalculating™!