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Go back to: home  instant gratification instead of...i'd rather
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Page 1
Instead of...
Drinking Bud Light from the tap at a bar, I'd rather...
by Aaron Kendall
- ...stand between an Irishman and his pint of Guinness.
- ...perform oral sex on the skanky obese slut who dances around the bar
when no music is playing.
- ...ask for personal opinions on fashion from the three drunken guys in
the corner who constantly are yelling "Fuckin' A, man!!!".
- ...sodomize myself with the waitress' plastic syringe that holds the
Jello shots.
- ...ask the bartender to raise the volume of the music from its current
level of "deafening" to "bleeding from my ears".
- ...come into physical contact with anything in the bathroom besides the
faucet handles of the sink.
- ...give up my bar stool and become one of the "standers".
- ...listen to everyone in the bar sing "We Are The Champions" in a drunken
chorus.
- ...open the door to the bar bathroom and discover a drunk clown molesting
an even more drunk donkey.
- ...get a body shot from Rosie O'Donnell.
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