Each and every night throughout the United States, millions of people are going to bed hungry. Not hungry for food. Hungry for sex. And the worst part of it is: it doesn't have to be this way.
No, my friends, the problem is not a shortage of beds. There are plenty of beds - even bedrooms - to go around. The amazing thing is that having sex doesn't even require a bed! People have been known to have sex on sofas, on the floor, in hallways, in bathrooms, in laundry rooms, even outside in the wilderness.
No special knowledge or advanced degree is required to have sex. Many non-technical people have succeeded in accomplishing the act of sex. In fact, as many sexual participants will attest, some people who do have sex know remarkably little about it.
Yet still, millions of Americans are going to bed unsexed. But why? One need not have superhuman powers to have sex!
No, you don't need to be Aquaman to lick pussy. You don't need to be Wonder Woman to give head. You don't need to be the Bionic Dog to fuck doggie style. Sure, Lois Lane might have preferred sex with Superman over sex with Clark Kent, but if all she could get was a quickie with Clark, believe you me, she'd take it and like it.
The potential for sex stretches across all income levels. No expensive gadgets are required to have sex. They don't hurt, but they're certainly not necessary.
You can just as easily have sex in the back seat of an old Buick as you can in a chauffeur-driven Bentley. No full-time gardener is required to have sex. A French maid - well, again, one won't hurt, but it certainly isn't necessary. A busboy from your local all-night diner will do just as well.
Sex crosses ethnic boundaries. A penis doesn't care if a vagina is white, black, or green. The penis is just happy to be there. And a Vietnamese breast and an Icelandic mouth - they're just as compatible as a Jamaican ass and a Slovak elbow. To put in colloquial terms: if the vagina fits - well, you get the point.
Sexual intercourse is both economical and entertaining. Rarely do the participants of sex ever report boredom or apathy during sex. Sex is often more exciting than bowling, and more delightful than a nursery rhyme. Having sex can even burn calories, when performed correctly. With sex, you'll look great and feel great doing it.
So why then, with all of the advantages of sex, do people continue to go to bed without it? My friends, our adversary is abstinence. The sad truth is that too many people think that it's alright not to have sex. They think that going from day to day, week to week, year to year, without having sex, is perfectly fine.
Unfortunately, it's not OK.
Without sex, many people suffer from irritability, sleeplessness, even depression. With the high rates of clinical depression and anxiety reported by the healthcare profession in recent years, we can only surmise that abstinence plays a major role in the problem. It's time we put an end to abstinence once and for all.
With your help, we can end the deadly plague of abstinence.
Please join me in the fight against abstinence. Enthusiastic volunteers are needed immediately to combat this deathly affliction. For as little as five minutes a day, about the length of time it takes you to drink a cup of coffee, you can help end the plight of abstinence. E-mail me, Jason Roth, to find out how you can help in the fight against abstinence.
Thank you for your support, and God bless.
