Next time he's in the neighborhood to visit any of
fifteen eternally grateful British families, Iranian
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad may insist on being
addressed by his new title. Foreign policy experts
suggest that family members ask the president,
"Would like you more bangers and mash, Sir
Ahmadinejad?" while attempting to appease the
President on a personal level.
The announcement of President Ahmadinejad's honorary
knighthood comes just days after the Queen bestowed
the title on revered medical doctor Sir Harold
Shipman. Shipman, commonly known in the British
government as the "Pride of Manchester", is most
famous for his gift of eternal rest to more than 200
women. Though Ahmadinejad had only imprisoned one
woman and 14 men for 12 days, the Queen agreed with
Prime Minister Blair that Ahmadinejad had clearly
earned the right to enter the ranks of Harold Shipman
and U2's Bono.
"It's not the immediate, visible carnage that
matters," Prime Minister Blair said. "It's the
principle of the thing, innit?"
It is unclear to British food authorities whether
President Ahmadinejad eats his bangers and mash with
ale or with Jews, and whether he prefers his Jews
still or with gas. Nevertheless, experts agree that
nothing makes a better finger food at an Iranian
dinner party than vegetarian pigs in a gas chamber.
Some pundits maintain that Ahmadinejad likes his with
chicken.
