The opening of a convenience store in Hoboken, New Jersey, attracted dozens of handicapped protesters yesterday and led to five arrests, police say.
Police were called in to break up the protest after a wheelchair-bound protester reportedly threw a Molotov cocktail through the front window of the store, causing severe fire damage and temporarily shutting down the store. The protester was treated for smoke inhalation after his wheelchair got stuck in a sewer grate, then immediately charged with one count of arson and one count of reckless endangerment. Four other protesters were dragged kicking and screaming, that is, screaming, to a handicapped accessible paddy wagon.
The convenience store, known as Non-Paraplegics "R" Us, occupied the second floor of an historic Washington Street brownstone, and was geared primarily to those patrons capable of wiggling their toes. According to protesters, the store did not contain a wheelchair ramp as required by law. Protesters claimed that customers in wheelchairs were not physically capable of entering the convenience store.
However, the owner of the store, Bob "Legs" Diamond, said his store's products would not have appealed to wheelchair-bound customers.
"My store is for people who can walk," Diamond said.
Nevertheless, Diamond said his business adhered to all applicable handicapped accessibility laws.
"There's absolutely nothing in my store that could be considered hazardous to a handicapped person," Diamond said. "There's simply no way a handicapped person could ever get himself up here in the first place."
Diamond pointed out that a wheelchair store operates two blocks away from his own store, and doesn't contain a single stairway.
"If you wanted to get into that wheelchair store," Diamond said, "you'd need to walk back and forth up that stupid ramp. I think we all know, as walkers, how annoying that can be."
"Here's what I want to know," Diamond said. "If those paraplegic bastards don't need to install a stairway for us, why do I need to install a wheelchair ramp for them? The next thing you know, these assholes will be asking for elevators."
Diamond said he will be postponing his grand opening sale until after he replaces his charred products. Non-Paraplegics "R" Us was to be the first store in the area to specialize in ballet shoes, soccer supplies, ski equipment, guitar pedals, orthotics, footrests, foot massage equipment, foot fetishist supplies, and marching band uniforms.
Protesters said they deserved the right to purchase such products, even if they had few opportunities to use them.
"I manage a skinhead punk rock band," Jack "Wheels" McGee, one of the protesters, shouted from the bottom of a nearby hill. "I'm responsible for purchasing all of their equipment. Now, how do you suppose they'll kick any shit without owning any shitkickers?"
Bob Diamond said he's loved feet for as long as he could remember, and has always had a dream of opening a store for walkers.
"I love feet like a little boy," Diamond said. "I guess you could call me a pedophile," he added. "I just love feet."
