Wang Fuk-Yoo, the disgraced, Korean theologian who last year claimed to discover genetic evidence of Christ's existence in a soiled loincloth, resigned today in the wake of a massive evidence scandal.
Called "a major setback for religious faith" by a top-level Vatican official, Korean scholar Fuk-Yoo's work had been heavily criticized for his so-called "evidence-based approach" to the budding field of theological genetic-archaeology. A panel of researchers assembled to review Fuk-Yoo's work found no significant deficiencies in his methodology, hence their decision to ask him to step down from his position at Seoul National University.
"The panel has come to the unfortunate conclusion," a university spokesman said, "that none of Fuk-Yoo's research was faked."
The university spokesman said that Fuk-Yoo showed a flagrant disregard for the university's Department of Religious Studies' "anti-evidentiary clause".
"As an institution which takes theological research seriously," the spokesman said, "we ardently follow Immanuel Kant's dictum and we, too, 'find it necessary to deny knowledge, in order to make room for faith.'"
Supporters of Fuk-Yoo claim his research would have enabled the production of the world's first "Jesus Christ lookalike designer baby" out of a combination of loincloth genetic residue, the stem cells of an aborted fetus, and a hardly-used hydroponic cannabis lamp purchased on eBay. All hopes were dashed by the announcement.
Critics of Fuk-Yoo say that his claim in late 2004 that he produced the world's first cloned dog without the DNA of Christ should be thoroughly reexamined in light of the panel's ruling. It is highly unlikely, critics say, that Fuk-Yoo produced the dog without any assistance from Christ's sperm.
"Just look at the dog's face. You can clearly see the image of the Virgin Mary," a leading critic said. "If that dog isn't related to the Holy Mother of God, my name isn't Howard T. Fuckbucket."
Fuckbucket said that Fuk-Yoo's decision to use fossilized Christ sperm, widely believed to be a result of the Son of God's only known Wet Dream, in creating the dog was a profane joke on the theological community.
"He thought because the letters of 'God' were arranged backwards, that we wouldn't figure it out. Well, we figured it out, alright. And that Dog is God."
Because the cloned dog was considered an illegitimate son of God, most theologians regard the dog as "God's bitch", though some say "God's bastard" is a more accurate term.
Kim Chee Woo-Knows, an outspoken, agnostic, Korean theologian, said he prefers the word "Superdog", since the dog has been observed to shit, fetch, and roll over on water.
As to the prevalence of the word "fuck" in the names of theological genetic-archaeology researchers, both supporters and critics of Fuk-Yoo are baffled.
"Fuck if I know," Fuckbucket said.
