Men who engage in rape by other men may increase their chances of tooth decay, a new study shows. A team of researchers from Colgate University reports that more male rape victims are being treated for dental problems than those men who have not been raped.
The study, conducted by the Colgate University Sodomy Prevention in Dentistry School (CUSPIDS), indicates a strong statistical correlation between forced entry through the buttocks and yellow teeth.
CUSPIDS researchers call the study the first interdisciplinary look at teeth and ass. The study, originally named the Effects of Repeated Blowjobs by Playboy Playmates on the Male Penis Study, examined five hundred male volunteers between the ages of 18 and 25. Amongst the four hundred participants who were administered male rape, the presence of cavities increased by average of three to one as compared to the control group.
Volunteers were subjected to repeated acts of sodomy over the course of one calendar year. Each month, the participants were provided with an extensive dental examination to determine the exact effects of the sodomy on their teeth. A control group, consisting of one hundred men, were given quaaludes, stripped of their pants, and left with a copy of Gay Boy's Life magazine by their side. No male rape was administered to the control group.
After twelve months of excessive sodomy, researchers concluded that male rape may, in fact, have negative side effects. The male rape victims had more fillings, more often, than the men who were not raped. They also required more treatment for their teeth.
CUSPIDS researchers have indicated that further study may be required before the creation of a successful dental suppository may be completed. Eventually, researchers hope to achieve near-parity performance by sodomy victims in the dentist's office.
Chief researcher on the team, Herman D. Cheekpincher, said that for the time being, men with a family history of tooth decay should refrain from wearing dresses and loitering near truck stops.
"Two out of three dentists recommend that you don't get raped," Cheekpincher said.
