The Problem
There's a situation in a man's life that requires the full power of the human will. Of course, it involves a woman.
You and your date are sitting in a restaurant. Another attractive woman arrives at the table next to you, just as the woman at your own table is about to communicate part two in her personal account of childhood molestation (or her high school prom, or her first dance recital, or whatever). She's never told anyone this before, and you have the honor of being tonight's shoulder to cry on. She is about to relieve herself of years of pain and suffering. This is the moment when she needs you most.
A couple feet away, the woman at the next table is removing her coat. Underneath, she is wearing a tight, low-cut shirt, which is doing its damnedest to hold back what it is clearly doomed at holding back. She stretches backwards to remove her arms from the sleeves.
All the while, no matter how focussed you are on all that touching imagery of molestation (or was she talking about her sweet sixteen party?), you are completely, utterly aware of what is taking place at the table next to you. In fact, if it were all happening completely behind you, your eyes would find the glimmer of the reflection in the spoon or water glass. Whether or not your eyes or head move a tenth of a millimeter to find a better look, your tongue might as well be hanging out of your mouth. Your peripheral vision is picking up all of it.
At one moment, sometime during the episode, every man makes a decision: to give in or not give in. If you give in, the eyes twitch to the side, or the head turns, and you leave yourself open to getting caught. If you hold your position, exerting the total strength of your concentration, something dies within you as you realize that the moment is fading into history. A chance to check out some chick's tits vanishes forever. Ah, the sadness of it all.
Solution #1
There is one, and only one, nearly fail-safe method for getting yourself out of the situation. If you find your eyes locked on the sight of another woman while in the company of your own significant other, there is one thing you can do which is almost guaranteed to get your eyes off of that woman. That is, of course: to find another woman to look at. Preferably, somewhere in the distance. (Otherwise, your head will turn at too great a pace and your cover will be blown.)
If your date is seated across from you, you might even be able to snap out of your stupor by looking at her. If, however, you're walking along side her, rather than sitting next to her, when you become distracted, you'll probably need a target in front of you. Remember, you're about to be caught staring, and in order to get out of it, you need to be subtle. That's when finding a woman walking ahead of you can become your personal lifeboat. Just jump ship - from checking out one chick to checking out another.
Solution #2
Sometimes, no matter what you do, you can't help it. You get caught. You get caught looking at some other woman and you need to explain yourself. When you do find yourself at the moment when only an explanation will save you, that's the time to go on the attack. Explain nothing. Complain about the revealing way that some women dress. Drag down the anonymous woman with you. You were busy minding your own business when she had to come along dressed like that. It was beyond your control. That woman just swung the hammer, and your knee twitched.
Solution #3
If the other woman doesn't provide enough buoyancy, and you find yourself sinking still, there's one more person you can grab onto. Tell your female companion that she, herself, is part of the problem. Compliment the way she dresses. Tell her that you love the way she dresses and you would never want her to change. But, you'll need to tell her, that precisely is the problem: right now, somewhere behind her or amongst the crowd around you both, some guy is with his girlfriend and is getting distracted from her.
"As long as you engage in this type of behavior," you'll have to say, "as I hope you'll do, you need to be willing to accept the consequences."
And the consequences of her actions, and of those women like her, are that men like you will occasionally appear rude to the people they love. And yes, goddammit, she will just have to learn to live with that.
