For the Good of the Sport
I recently heard a sports commentator explain how it would be good "for women's golf" if Birdie Kim were to win another few golf tournaments. This comment seemed at odds to me with other comments I've heard about winners. For example, about Wal-Mart.
People love the idea of an underdog winning. They even like the idea of an underdog winning a lot. What they don't like is when an underdog actually wins a lot, and thereby migrates from underdog to consistent champion. Now the underdog has become a big, bad, menace who eats up and spits out any competitor in his path. A young golf prodigy or enterprising local entrepreneur is one thing. But once your success starts becoming a pattern, it's another story. Now you're "anti-competitive". Now it's time to "level the playing field". Now you have to let the other kids (and other department stores) play, too.
The important thing to remember is that we're talking about full-grown adults.
Trust me, if Birdie Kim keeps winning another five or ten or fifteen years, she'll become another New York Yankees. It's the reason why Tiger Woods was black when he won the first time, and white now that he's won a lot more. A bunch of anti-individualist assholes thought it was cute that a black guy was winning at golf. Now that they think he's won too much, he's just another talented, rich asshole. See, the only thing the politically-correct types hate more than colorblindness is money. If the entire New York Yankees team were made up of female, black midgets, I'd give them a year before the press started accusing them of buying their victories. Maybe two years if their pitcher was blind and their third baseman was a one-armed Tasmanian Aborigine.
Yes, it would be better for women's golf with the existence of great golfers. It would be good not just for another few tournaments, but for every tournament. And it would be even better for the individuals who do the winning.
Maybe this is shocking to some people, but people who win tend to be doing something right. (And tend to work and train their fucking asses off.) Cynical assholes think that winning is the smoke and cheating is the fire. To them, the smell of success can mean only one thing. My hypothesis is that these cynics are cheaters who just happen not to be playing sports. They can't imagine anyone else less dishonest than themselves.
Fortunately, if you open up your fucking eyes, you'll notice that skills and abilities actually exist within human beings. And if you have a fucking brain, you might even succeed in making the logical inference to "sometimes, these skills and abilities actually pay off".
Ad-hominems
To the people who accuse me of crudely relying on ad-hominem attacks: a special "fuck you". I say that ad-hominems here and there are fair game, as long as you're otherwise making a decent argument. You know what they say:
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but "therefore, Socrates is mortal, you fucking asshole" will never hurt me.
Carding Over-Age Drinkers
I was just at an airport bar in Chicago where the bartender asked, not just me, but a grey-haired guy next to me, for an I.D. Obviously, the bar's management was concerned that they might get fined if they didn't card everyone.
Now, maybe I'm being too much of an anarchist here, but I say we allow all twenty-year-olds with grey hair to buy beer. If they're greying at less than twenty, they're going to need beer more than the rest of us. Let the grey-haired twenty-year-olds drink, for fuck's sake.
What is this, anyway, maybe one percent of the population? Does the US government seriously want bartenders to card forty-million Americans over the age of 65 each year just to prevent these poor, twenty-year-old teenagers from sneaking a drink?
It would be easier if the government just instituted a law that says if you're under twenty-one and you have grey hair, you get triple fines plus guaranteed jail time if you're caught drinking. Put the onus on people with genetically-endowed drinking disguises to come clean.
Shit, there's one minor flaw with this: grey hair dye. In addition to a tyrannical government that regulates everything we do, there would be grey-haired teenagers everywhere. Just let the bastards drink.
An Airport Bar Improvement
The best way to make money in an airport bar is to keep serving until the last possible minute before each customer's airplane boards. When airplanes are delayed, the only way to know when boarding will start is to check the airlines' TV monitors or hear an announcement from airline personnel. And most of the time, you can't hear the audio announcements from the bar.
Here's a marketing tip, guys: install a damn monitor between the TV broadcasting the baseball game and the other showing CNN. Right above the scrolling sports scores might be nice. Set up a business meeting with the airlines' management, who will be happy to provide you with information that will help their delayed customers be less pissed off once they get on their delayed planes. Feed all airlines' flight info into your new screen, one airline at a time. For every fifteen minutes extra you can keep customers in your bar, rather than sitting in a waiting area so they can find out when their plane is taking off, you'll be selling another beer.
Does it take a feat of intellectual genius to realize that airport bars and restaurants ought to have TV screens showing flight information? Apparently, it does, because I seem to be the only one who's ever thought of this. Or maybe airport bar managers just don't spend as much time in their bars as I do.
