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Grey-Haired,
Senile Asshole

Don Imus and His Bad Impression of a Sexist Black Guy

by Jason Roth

I hope we can all agree that Don Imus deserves to be called a "grey-haired, senile asshole". I hope we can still live with the old people jokes. It seems clear that American society has pretty much rejected the "white people pretending to talk like black people" jokes. Not that it's hard to understand why we have a tolerance for old people jokes but zero tolerance for jokes premised on the existence of black people and black vernacular. No one's afraid of old people rioting.

Watch out, though, April 29th is coming. Some black people have celebrated basketball games by flipping over cars and setting them on fire. How might they celebrate the 15th anniversary of the LA riots?

The braided-haired slut who falsely accused the Duke lacrosse team members of rape seems to be at least as honorable a cause for rioting as Rodney King. Though Rodney's got her beat in the arrest contest.

The issue isn't whether every black person will join the riot, should it happen, though many of your friends and coworkers would be happy to join. The issue is that there are a lot of fucking pissed off black people in this country, and this means two things:

  1. If you're not black, you are scared.

  2. If you're a black reverend or a black comedian, you can cash in on black people being fucking pissed off and get the added bonus of everyone else being too scared to say, "Hey, wait a minute, this doesn't seem fair."

If you even hint that it isn't fair (which is all you'll do because you're afraid not to be racist, but appear to be) then you'll get one word shoved down your throat: slavery. My great-great-great grandparents are the cause of every goddamn thing some pissed-off black racist chooses to excuse himself of. Of course, my great-great-great grandparents weren't in this country at the time of American slavery. But that's ok, I'm white, I look like the descendant of a slave-owner.

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