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London Wasn't Bombed by Global Warming

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by Jason Roth

Yesterday, the G8, made up of the leaders of Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Russia, the United Kingdom, and the United States, met to discuss the following two key issues: Africa and climate change. Unfortunately, the friendly conversation was interrupted by four explosions in London. These terrorists always seem to be getting in the way of all our important social issues. Don't you just wish they'd go away and leave us alone already?

This actual Reuters headline from yesterday says it all:

G8 to agree need for climate action but no targets

You want a target? How about picking a fucking country and bombing it?

The enemy are Islamic terrorists. The leaders of the Western world need to state this fact, and back it up with a specific attack against a supporter of Islamic terrorism. It is frustrating that they are afraid to do this, but the reasons seem obvious:

  1. The existence of nonviolent Muslims in the world apparently confuses politicians' cowardly minds into failing to identify the people with the bombs.

  2. Many Western leaders and their supporters are religious themselves, and are afraid to point a finger at religion for fear their own house of cards will collapse beneath them.

  3. Fear of being called bigots.

  4. Fear that all those peaceful Muslims we keep hearing about might not actually be so peaceful once somebody opens up his mouth about Islamic terrorism.

If the Democrats are right and we're no safer since before we went to war with Iraq, then it's time to attack Iran. There was a time I thought that the war with Iraq might be a smart way for the U.S. to make a statement to the supporters of terrorism and to position itself militarily. The problem is, though its relevance to terrorism should by now be obvious to everyone, it's not enough.

If we need to periodically level Iraq, so be it. I have no problem with getting our troops out of Iraq immediately and bombing it again in a year if we have to. But the primary supporter of Islamic terrorism is Iran, and the time has come to make a statement against Islamic terrorism. To be clear, the time came earlier; it hasn't left. Either the US needs to act, or we should let Israel or the UK give it a shot...

What we don't need is to declare a war on unattended luggage. I'm sick and tired of well-meaning assholes telling us during every alert color change to be "extra vigilant" or to "keep an eye out for unattended luggage". When skyscrapers fall to the ground and British buses blow up into the air, the proper form of retaliation is not to tell people to take a bite out of crime. In fact, let me issue a special "fuck you" to anyone who says anything even mildly stupid just to sound authoritative when you have nothing better to say. (That goes for idiots who wear ties, too.)

I understand that the police have their hands tied (or more specifically, national governments are rolling out the red carpet to terrorists and forcing domestic authorities to deal with the mess), but that doesn't give you the right to spout stupidity about mysterious suitcases every time you're on TV. We get the fucking point already. We'll tell you about the unattended suitcase so you can defuse it and let us get blown up by three bombs instead of four.

And for fuck's sake, stop telling me not to stop living my life, otherwise the terrorists will have won. Tell that to the dead British people.

Here are a few other phrases that piss me off:

Let's call a spade a spade.

Killing the people who support Islamic terrorism, in as spectacular a way as possible, has two main benefits. On the most obvious and immediate level, it prevents real funding and munitions from getting to terrorists, not to mention removes a few square feet of possible training ground. The second benefit, at least equally as important, is that it forces similar terrorist-supporting nations to scurry like a bunch of scared rats, and clean up their own backyards.

The key word is "spectacular". Unless we want to take our time dicking around doing man-to-man combat Vietnam style, giving terrorists plenty of time to launch another few 9/11s and 7/7s, then we need to scare their supporters shitless now.

The alternative is to do nothing, and to tell the terrorists what would be the truth: that we are more concerned with committing social improprieties than we are with self-preservation.


(Recommended reading: Fighting Terrorism: How Democracies Can Defeat Domestic and International Terrorists, by Benjamin Netanyahu)

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