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Grammy-Award Winning Artists and Other Oxymorons
by Jason Roth
No one ever said the Grammy Awards was an occasion not to puke in your own hat and serve it back to yourself for dinner. But this year, something has gone very wrong.
99% of this year's Grammy Awards consisted of:
- Pre-packaged, vacuum-sealed, corporate-manufactured, canned teen-pop garbage consisting of a drum machine, a turntable, one sexual encounter with an MTV program director, and at least one pair of undeniably satisfactory teenage breasts
- Dinosaurs of the music industry who refuse to die but have no qualms about accepting any honorary ass-kiss trophy they can get which might help keep their faces in Teen Beat magazine for another five minutes before someone takes them behind the barn and puts them out of our misery
The Grammy's have sunk way below the Oscars. There is nothing left to this Awards show. It is a wasteland of nothing. Of jungle rhythms, of pseudo-social nonsense, and of giant toilets sucking melody away out of thin air.
The only decent moment in the entire night, the performance of Eminem and Elton John, was prefaced by the longest, most gutless disclaimer in the history of television. Even after the Grammy people got half the world to watch their show - presumably because some people weren't completely scared shitless about the prospect of Em and El performing - they still couldn't let the show go on without the president of the whole shindig begging in advance for everyone's forgiveness. There's nothing worse than "defending" something controversial by saying you're not here to make judgments, you're only here to point out "notable" musicianship. The guy didn't even have the guts to say whether anyone thought the actual music was good or not.
Then again, everyone knows the goodness and badness of music has absolutely nothing to do with the Grammy's. But this year, the Grammy's have sunk. And drowned. And, finally, we had the opportunity to experience the ultimate culmination of Grammy nothingness:
The first award for Native American music...
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