Random header image... Refresh for more!

“The Issue of Race”

Journalists talk about “the issue of race” in the current political campaign. “The issue of race” is somehow present because, presumably, one of the half-black Democratic candidates looks all-black. (I guess there’s no such thing as a “dark-skinned caucasian”, at least in the sense of being half-black.) However, the issue of race is such a non-issue that journalists rarely find it necessary to say precisely what is “the issue”. And, hence, the issue.

The “issue” of race is that Americans are both afraid to discuss a person’s race and at the same time compelled to discuss it. Somehow, race matters, but it only matters in some vague way that affects other people’s judgment. And everyone seems to know that race is a “sensitive” issue. They prove it through their fear of telling you what’s so sensitive about it.

It’s a ridiculous farce when people broadcast their private, embarassing neuroses in a public forum. A good number of classic Hollywood comedies have used this premise, and I think “the race issue” would yield another classic.

It’s as if Obama is Superman, and his blackness is like the ability to outrace a speeding train. Hillary, a mere mortal, has no such super powers. Alas, all Hillary can do is say:

“You know, the problem with this Obama is that he’s no Flash Gordon. If you want a Flash Gordon for president, then elect Flash Gordon. Oh, wait a second. I’m sorry. Flash Gordon is dead. I guess you pathetic bastards will have to vote for me. I can’t outrace a train, but at least I know how to handle my fucking kryptonite.”

Bookmark and Share

5 comments

1 Michael Spitler { 02.05.08 at 1:11 am }

Didn’t Hillary’s hubby run all over South Carolina before the primary calling Obama a “kid” or a “boy?” I thought they stopped demeaning (half)black men as “boys” after the Civil Rights movement…

I’ve stopped caring who wins this years election, I just hope that bitch Hillary doesn’t win. Democrat or Republican, it should always be thus: Bro’s before Ho’s.

2 Jason Roth { 02.05.08 at 1:41 am }

If you’re still hoping even though you’re not caring, at least you have a reason to vote. I might have to join Ann Coulter and vote against McCain.

3 Michael Spitler { 02.05.08 at 10:43 am }

Actually, now that I think about it, I do know of a woman I would like voting for, rather than Obama or one of the Repub douche nozzles…

Yo Mama.

4 Phil { 03.04.08 at 2:29 pm }

However, the issue of race is such a non-issue that journalists rarely find it necessary to say precisely what is “the issue”. And, hence, the issue.

Cute, but no. Race is a partially-inbred extended family. Who your relatives are matters A LOT in this world. Race matters a whole lot to Obama himself, as he describes in his autobiographical novel Dreams From My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance.

5 Jason Roth { 03.04.08 at 2:55 pm }

Great, race matters “a lot”. By that, do you mean that a black president would be better or worse than a white one?

Leave a Comment