I already compared Nadya Suleman to Obama. (And I’m thankful that all the female chimpanzee mothers of eight didn’t take to the streets to protest me.) But Suleman represents much more than the POTUS, so I need to make one more comparison. (By the way, that’s “President of the United States”, not “Postpartum Octo-Torn Uterine Slut”.)

Most welfare mothers have one baby, maybe two or three (at most, four or five), without having any idea how they’ll pay for them. The “Octomom”, however (or my own personal favorite epithet, “Octopussy”), now she really went overboard. I’d say, morally speaking, she’s at least twice as bad as the average welfare mother, assuming that you’re twice as bad if you do the same bad thing with twice the frequency. (E.g., the guy who chainsaws octuplets deserves double the executions of the guy who just takes an axe to quadruplets.)

Granted, Octopussy did go overboard. I’m actually happy that people seem to be freaking out over this story. But it is tediously typical of Americans (I’ll stick with my own country, even thought I’m betting it’s the same elsewhere) to feign principles. By “principles”, I mean the kind that apply only to mothers of octuplets, but not to any other type of mother. Can’t people just once try to relate a new piece of knowledge to their previous knowledge? You know, just for the fuck of it, see if any neurons spark?

Maybe I’m more like my fellow, outraged Americans that I assume. I seem to be shocked every time Americans exhibit a lack of principles.