Deep in the heart of the Barrack Obama campaign trail, Senator Hillary Clinton announced yesterday that she has withdrawn her support for presumptive Democratic nominee, Senator Barack Obama. Senator Clinton insisted that her decision to rescind her endorsement had nothing to do with Obama’s potential, “even likely”, assassination.

“Anything can happen [including a shot to the head]”, Clinton said. “I’m not here to play guessing games. Whether some loner, upset at the appalling direction of the Democratic Party, takes it upon himself to put an end to this madness, is not for me to say.”

Clinton’s statement shocked Obama supporters at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in Los Angeles yesterday, where dozens of Hollywood stars gathered to raise more than $5 million for Senator Obama. Don Knotts, Jr., one of the celebrities in attendance, expressed concern that Clinton’s “handgun finger gesture” pointed in Obama’s general direction to punctuate her statement, might also have gone too far.

In a speech to the audience, widely expected to be another ringing semi-endorsement of Senator Obama, Senator Clinton said, “I am, right now, in this speech, absolutely and definitively not communicating a message, either subtly or explicitly, to a potential assassin of Senator Barrack Obama. I am not implying, nor have I ever implied, that an assassin of Barack Obama would forever change the course of human events for the better, or that a successful assassination would put that individual on a pedestal reserved for the likes of George Washington or Jesus Christ.”

After receiving widespread criticism for her reference to the 1968 RFK assassination back in May of this year, Senator Clinton said she wanted to make every effort to ensure that her assassination remark was not misconstrued.

“It is a typical, divisive tactic of the Republican Party,” Clinton said, “to infer unintended meaning from every one of my references to the probability that my very dignified, very black opponent will appear so repulsive to some angry racist with a gun that he has no hope in making it past his first year in office. I, frankly, find this offensive, and hope that the brave men and women of this country, with axes to grind and dreams of appearing on the nightly news and in history books, find it equally offensive.”

“Absolutely,” Former President Bill Clinton said, when asked if he believed his wife was being targeted by the media because she was a woman. “The kind of shots she’s taken in this campaign have been deemed appropriate precisely because of the acceptability of misogynistic language so prevalent in our society.”

“Notice I never used the word ‘blowjob’,” Mr. Clinton added.

Addressing the mounting campaign debt that has plagued her in recent months, Senator Clinton said she has not and will not advocate that her supporters commit bank robberies or kidnap the children of celebrities and hold them for ransom.

“When Chelsea was a little girl, she would have loved Miley Cyrus,” Clinton said. “It’s just too bad that Miley had to go and degrade the name of a perfectly good, gun-loving state like Montana.”