“Do you support your president?” That’s a question that’s been surfacing lately, and though I have a sneaking suspicion it’s being asked rhetorically, let me take a moment to answer it thoughtfully. Do I support your president?

The question presupposes three other questions:

1. Is he my president?
2. Support him to do what?
3. How would/should I support him?

1. Yes, technically, he is my president. I have no choice. I tried voting for “none of the above”, but too many of you assholes voted for somebody. My plan at this point is to form my own state and quickly thereafter secede from the Union. Until that time, Barack Obama is my president. (Incidentally, as President of New New York, I promise to levy no import tariffs on alcohol or firearms.)

2. By “supporting” the president, one implies support of some particular action or actions. I am an open-minded person. If you are able to identify something supportable, please email it to me immediately. Or, better yet, to The New York Times. The way their ad sales have been in the shitter, they need all the news they can get.

3. How should I support the president? Let me count the ways… oh, yes, I can think of one. Does it count to have an Alfred E. Neuman “Hopeless” poster hanging on my wall? (Mad traditionally leans to the left, so maybe I’m being ironic.)

So, do I support the president? I acknowledge his existence. And for the time being, his existence hasn’t precluded my own.

Let’s leave it at that.