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Defending Towel Heads, Iranian Integrity, and Muslim Community Centers

Iran and Gaza Peace Convoys

It’s fortunate that the government of Iran consists of pussies. Another way of putting it is: the Iranians know how weak they are and that their power depends entirely on our (and other Western nations’) decision to leave them alone.

This seems so boringly obvious: they have “offered” to escort the next convoy to Gaza and say they are “prepared” to do so. This is one of their weakest, pussiest (I declare it a word, as of now) moves yet. First of all, either do it or don’t do it, you pansies. A second ship just arrived and you could have shown some balls then, but you didn’t. Second, if you want to declare war on Israel, do like the goddess of victory and just do it. But of course, this is the whole point. Starting a war under the pretense of helping some “peace activists” would be ideal. It would be the only way you towel-heads would stand a chance.

Towel Heads (leaving out the hyphen to save the environment)

“Towel head” is not a racial slur, so please don’t tell me it is. The term refers to people who choose to inconvenience themselves in the name of an invisible man and as such are even more ridiculous than Jews who wear yarmulkes outside of weddings. (And don’t misinterpret me: if you cap your head only at weddings, yes, you’re still ridiculous.)

To tell me that I may not make fun of people for wrapping their heads in cloth because they think God is offended by the human scalp is to deprive me of my right to point out the obvious. Being a towel head has nothing to do with race. Any member of any race can choose to be so moronic as to believe in elves or fairies, and when you clinch the deal by decorating your skull in proud declaration of this belief, you are hereby entitled to far worse than my mere mention of your goofy apparel. When I became an adult, I expunged from my mind all theistic beliefs, and I expect others to do the same.

Think of it this way: if you wear a T-shirt that says “I believe in God”, you have broadcast your permission to me to call you a dope. This is exactly what the towel does. In fact, my not mentioning that you’re a dope is me consciously keeping my mouth shut because, most likely, you’re either driving my drunk ass home in a cab or serving me greasy food from a steam table.

The only legitimate complaint against the term “towel head” is the lack of terrycloth in its composition. I concede this point, as I certainly think of terrycloth when I think of “towel”, but I still prefer the term over “rag head”. “Rag” implies old, recycled cloth, and therefore I find it a tad disparaging. I don’t want to know what the fuck is under that towel, but I have no reason to assume the towel itself is dirty. In other words, I don’t want to insult the towel. It’s a perfectly decent product of human labor. I even own some myself.

Muslim Community Center Near the World Trade Center

When I first read the headline, “Vote Endorses Muslim Center Near Ground Zero”, I seriously thought it was from The Onion. Close, but it was The New York Times. The news (i.e., the semi-objective facts of human relations in modern society) has declined to a substance reminiscent of the stuff covering a Gulf of Mexico pelican. Is a Muslim community center (opponents call it a “mosque”) really appropriate for a Ground Zero monument? I think we can do better.

How about a George Washingtonesque statue of a man with one hand on his waist, his head held up proudly, his other hand in front of him on a control panel, and two men lying beside him with their necks bleeding? If the artist can work in a box cutter lying next to them, even better. And since NASA won’t be sending up space shuttles anytime soon, maybe they can devise a way to keep the pigeon shit off of it.

Alternately, a big, bronze pile of dead cops and firemen would do the trick. New York City needs a monument to tolerance. If we can’t tolerate piles of dead heroes, I say we’re pikers.

(Here’s an excellent series of photos of the area of the proposed community center.)

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2 comments

1 Jason Roth { 06.11.10 at 4:08 pm }

Things only get worse. And here’s an excellent editorial from Charles Krauthammer.

2 Jason Roth { 06.14.10 at 10:26 am }

And here come the Iranian “aid” ships.

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