World poverty is a problem for a snack food company like Frito-Lay. World hunger, on the other hand, is an opportunity. You know there’s a demand for your product, you just need to find the right price for it. Or, at the very least, find some other gullible asshole to flip the bill.

It’s a opportunity for a company to say:

“We give a shit. We care about world hunger. In fact, we care so much that we’re willing to knock up our prices a few cents just so our guilt-ridden target market can give themselves the illusion that they give a shit, too.”

Therefore, I suggest the renaming of Cheetos Puffs to “African Baby Fingers”. Instead of a photo of a cheetah on the bag, you can have a cheetah eating an African baby. (Make that a starving African baby, otherwise it might appear crass.)

With each purchase of a bag of African Baby Fingers, five cents will be donated to real, live (for now) African babies. That’s about 1/20th of a cent per cheese puff.

“The more cheese puffs you eat, the more you fight world hunger!”

If you eat about ten bags, that’ll be enough to pay for one full-color Cheetos logo printed on a label of one jar of baby food. Which can then be shipped to one African village. Where they can either feed it to a baby, have big village party, or worship it as the god of thunder. Oh, and did I mention that the baby food was made out of Cheetos?

There’s a marketing opportunity here, I’m telling you.